


What do I feel for you?

by Tamagora



Category: Okane ga Nai
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:58:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamagora/pseuds/Tamagora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a short side story for Okane ga nai I originally posted on FFnet. How does Ayase truly feel about Kanou? Has his new friend, Kasumi, made him understand something he had overlooked until now? Read this enchanting short story about Ayase's feelings for Kanou and see for yourself whether there is any chance of Ayase falling in love with the harsh president!</p>
            </blockquote>





	What do I feel for you?

What do I feel for you?

When he woke up, Kanou was not there anymore. He stretched his legs in the huge bed and looked around himself. He was not wearing anything. He could hardly remember what had happened the night before, but seeing those marks on his body made him remember… They had done it again. The white sheets were messy, and as he tried to get out of bed, he felt dizzy. He's never had a strong body, but after being with Kanou, he always felt lighter and thinner than before. Was it because he had lost weight, or did the other suck all the energy left in him? His mouth was dry, his legs were trembling, and his entire body ached. This is what it meant to be Kanou's property. He should have understood it by now.

His blond strands fell randomly on his forehead, covering his eyes. 'Maybe I should have a haircut… He thought while carelessly getting out of bed. Not taking into consideration the fragility of his body, he clumsily baffled and fell on the ground.

"That hurt…" He mumbled to himself, trying to get up. It seemed pointless. He had no strength left in his hands or legs. What should I do? But just when he thought , the door opened and he saw Kanou's frowned expression. Kanou-san, the man who kept him a hostage against his will. He had a debt to pay to this man - a huge debt that he hadn't made himself, but that was somehow thrown upon him due to the heinous force of Circumstance. He was willing to work hard to pay off that debt, even though he was quite sure he would never be able to gain as much as to pay it… even so… Even so, he wanted to try! He wanted to… What did he want? Upon looking at Kanou-san's frowned expression once again, he wondered what he really wanted. He wanted to be free; wasn't this what he actually desired? He was confined. He was like a bird in a cage, and he could not escape. The price he had to pay was to sleep with this man. He was unwillingly selling his body to this man, and yet… And yet, even though the situation was so desperate and even peculiar, why was it that he felt a certain kindness coming from this harsh man? Kanou entered the room rapidly and, without waiting to hear any words from Ayase, he took him into his arms. He was so strong; it was as if he didn't even feel the weight of Ayase, even though the latter was thin and small, and he did not weight much anyway.

"You've gotten skinnier, didn't you?" Kanou asked while putting him on the bed.

"What the fuck happened?" Ayase tried not to look the other in the eyes. Ever since he had realized the fact that he was very conscious of Kanou's presence, it became harder and harder to stay calm around him. He had seen it himself, the face he made when sleeping with this man. Even though it was wrong, even though it was weird and abnormal, why did he…? He could not think the words. No… no… no… There must be something wrong with me. He shook his head in distress, and when he opened his eyes again he saw Kanou's face too close to his.

"What… Wha… What are you… doing?" He mumbled helplessly as the other came closer, touching his skin carefully, caressing him gently. Why did his touch feel so welcoming and good? Why was it that every time Kanou touched him he felt a certain ache in his chest that would never go away? Why was it that even though they were both men, he could still feel so erect and excited whenever this man touched him? I am not normal. Something's weird with me. Why do I feel so good when his fingers caress my skin? He felt the urge to shake his head again, he did not want to have these thoughts; but he couldn't, as Kanou started to kiss him kindly, munching on his lips carefully. He wanted to kiss the other as well -the smell of tobacco, and even the harsh taste of it, the smell of his cologne, and some other odor that came from this man… all these made Ayase feel a little dizzy. His body trembled again as Kanou touched his skinny legs with his long, big fingers. Why did his skin tremble at the touch of this man? Why could he not control his body, even though he wanted to? His body did not deny it. It was just the same as Kanou had presumed… his body welcomed Kanou, and even desired him. Ayase blushed violently at this thought and brushed Kanou off, jumping out from the bed. And as he did so, his legs became weak again and he started falling on the floor… Kanou jumped fast as well, just in time to catch the other.

"You should be more careful!" he yelled, frowning again. Why was it that he was frowning so easily? He always saw Kanou frowning and looking angrily at everything. And yet, even though he was certainly a harsh man, there was a certain kindness in him that could not be ignored so easily. Ayase wondered, not for the first time, where had they met before… Kanou had told him that they had met before, sometimes, but he could not remember, even though he tried countless times. When was it? Where was it? And why? He could not remember having met him before… And yet, it was true.

Kanou took him in his arms again, and Ayase's heart started beating crazily again.

"Please… stop it… stop it, Kanou-san…" he mumbled while trying to keep his voice low, as not to let those sound get out from his mouth. "Ah… Ah… Oh… Stop… I… Sto-… Ahh… Ka… Kano… Kanou…-san…" The other started to kiss him between his legs, licking it slowly, making it impossible for Ayase to speak clearly. He had his legs spread out, and Kanou touched him mercilessly all over the body. He kissed his hips, his legs, his nipples, pinching them harshly. Ayase could not contain his voice, no matter how hard he tried, and as he tried to be stiff and not move his body, he felt that impossible as well. He moved his legs carelessly -he could not help it… There was this hotness inside him that made him feel relentless. There was this ache in his chest, and the hard beating of his heart and there were those gestures and touches of this man he had once met. He… he didn't dislike them. It was impossible to dislike them. Even though they were harsh, even though he always made him do things he didn't really want to… oh, even so, it felt good. No, I must not think of that… "Ahh… Ka… Kanou-san… Stop… or I will… I will…" but the other did not listen, and as Ayase started to make a lot of familiar and enchanting sounds, Kanou still touched his member, making the other feel a pleasure he denied. Kanou himself was hard and wanted to release inside the little, beautiful creature he had in front of himself. But there wasn't time to get his pants off… he wanted to see pleasure arising on Ayase's face as he came, and he wanted to make the other call his name more, more, more, more… "Kanou… Kanou-san… Sto… Stop… Kanou-" But Kanou didn't stop; while hearing his name being spoken so beautifully, in such a cute, ecstatic voice, he could not do anything but continue. He kissed and licked those parts of him, and he didn't get his hand off his member. It came, and it came fast, as it always did… Ayase had tears on his cheeks -tears combined with saliva from his mouth, and teary eyes that looked ecstatic, if only for a few minutes. His body trembled, and Kanou knew it was still because of pleasure. The pleasure this little person denied…

"I'm still hard…" He whispered into Ayase's ear, making him blush violently. He turned over, trying to run away from Kanou…

"Let me… I have to go…"

"And where do you have to go?" Kanou asked, taking the other by the hand and making it impossible for him to leave. He started kissing him again, caressing those beautiful blond strings of hair. Everything about him was so cute and gentle. Everything about Ayase was irresistible. Kanou blushed almost imperceptibly while thinking of the cuteness of this person. And he was his. He had to be his… Kanou knew that he could not imagine a life without this person. Even if he had to oblige him, even though he had to take such measures to have him… He had to… He had to make Ayase his, both by physical and spiritual means. He wanted Ayase to love him the way he did…

"I have to… I have to go to University… I…"

"Oh", Kanou smiled maliciously, kissing the other's nipples, biting them carefully. "And who said I'd let you go to University today?"

"Bbb… But you said I could…"

"When did I?" "Yesterday!" Ayase screamed desperately while the other kept his big hands on this person's hips. Kanou was already taking his pants off.

"Oh… did I, really…"

"Y-you… did…"

"Oh… well, I guess I will let you go… on one condition…" Ayase opened his eyes even wider. He had big eyes to begin with, and the blue of his eyes always made Kanou lose himself. They were beautiful… Ayase was beautiful, and cute too. He was the most adorable thing there was out there. And it was his; wasn't he? Yes, Kanou thought, he is mine. He has to be mine… otherwise I…

"Wh-"

"You already know, don't you?" He took his pants off, being above Ayase, being careful as not to crush him. Ayase was so fragile… he was so easy to break if one wanted to do so. He had to be careful. He had to protect this person he loved… That was everything he needed to do.

"I…"

"Spread your legs, Ayase." It was not a command; no, not entirely, but it sounded like it. Ayase blushed violently again and, with tears in his eyes, he opened his legs obediently.

'Why', Kanou thought annoyed, 'why does he look like he doesn't want to when he likes it so much? Why does he deny me when his body cries for me every time I touch it.' The thought made him angry, and he put it inside Ayase's butt harshly, making the other cry out in pain and pleasure. He knew it was also pleasure, it was so easy to guess… Ayase was extremely sensible, both down here, and on his nipples… Everything was special about him. Everything was sensible about him. Oh, I love you so much, Kanou thought while thrusting it inside him, moving a little too harshly, touching every bit of the other's skin. His skin was beautifully marked with kisses and bites of his, and Kanou's saliva was all over Ayase's body… Ayase's voice was louder and louder, and it became harder for him to keep those sounds inside. It was a special music for Kanou, as it made him want to make this person his even more…

"Ayase…" He mumbled desperately, hugging the other, kissing him, using his tongue also, touching his lips gluttonously. "Ayase… Ayase… Ayase…" His name was so beautiful too, and that look in his eyes… He always had tears in his eyes, even when looking so beautiful and satisfied, even when he was ecstatic. He found Ayase's member hard, and as he continued moving inside him, he also chafed his hand against the other's thing. It felt so good. It felt so familiar. I have to make you mine… Now… And always…Ayase cried with pleasure again, saliva on his chin, tears on his cheeks, and the familiar, beautiful spark on his beautiful blue eyes. Kanou came almost uncontrollably at the look of this person's face, and so did Ayase, though he seemed to desperately try to oppose his own reaction… "I came…" he said silently, in disbelief, as if he could not understand why his own body liked this so much.

Kanou looked at him kindly once again, without frowning. It was something about Kanou that made Ayase feel… both secure and confused. He didn't know what to do. It made him nervous. It made him feel… How did it make him feel? His whole body was trembling.

"I will let you go to University today," Kanou said after getting out of bed, looking for his pants. Go get a shower.

"Y… Yes!" Ayase said happily, a bright smile springing on his face. "Thank you!" He rushed out of bed and he almost fell again, if it wasn't for Kanou who caught him just in time.

"Geez! Be more careful, will you?" He screamed again, and Ayase nodded, a little alarmed. He didn't want to annoy this person.

"Oh, don't be so scared, I am not angry!"

"A… Aren't you?" Kanou sighed.

"Of course, I am not. I just…" A long pause between the two. Kanou looked into Ayase's eyes, and Ayase looked into Kanou's dark eyes. "Nothing. Just go shower." Ayase blushed, and being put on his legs, he tried to walk more steadily this time, and he succeeded. He left Kanou behind, and he did not know how the other looked at him. But even if he saw it, would he understand it?

"Kuba-san, you don't have to open the door for me!" It was already quite weird for Ayase that Kuba was, at least apparently, in love with him. Having to be driven by this man to school and other places made it harder for Ayase to accept the entire situation.

"It's the boss' commands. And I want to do it, anyway."

Ayase did not say anything. It would have been so easy to say that he did not want him to do it, and then Kuba wouldn't have done it. He was that kind of a man, after all. He insisted himself in saying that he was not the same as "the president". He wouldn't ever do anything against Ayase's will, not even such a small thing. It was true, however, that he wanted to hold him, and that he wanted to be closer to Ayase than anyone else. But he did not think that such a thing was possible, was it? He did not even dare to dream. He could at least be as close as this to Ayase… even watching him was enough to make Kuba happy. At least when the president was not around Ayase.

"If anything happens, please call me. Yamaguchi is in the school as well, so the boss said I don't need to stay around. Still…"

Ayase smiled kindly. The gentle smile that Kuba loved so much… There wasn't much he could not love about Ayase. Everything about him was so cute and gentle…

"Thank you, Kuba-san. I am sorry for causing you so much trouble when you have to work…"

Did he not understand?

"It's not a problem", Kuba said, sighing. "I don't mind it, I…" He did not say anything. He could not. He should not. "I would never be bothered by a request from you, no matter what that request might be…" "Kuba-san, that's…"

"I know", Kuba said, smiling and getting back to the car. "Take care. Please call my phone if anything is to happen."

"S… Sure." Ayase mumbled, a little confused. "I will." He entered the school grounds. He did not see any familiar face around, only Yamaguchi when he entered the class. He waved at the other and seated himself right behind him.

"How are you today?" The other asked in quite a polite tone.

"Everything's fine, I-" but while he said that, another person came to seat behind him. "Do you mind if I stay here?" She asked in a sweet voice, not paying too much attention to Yamaguchi.

"Oh… I don't! Please, stay here!" She was a small, thin girl, just like Ayase. "I just wanted to ask you…" She said while getting off her notes, "how come you are so cute?" Ayase widened his eyes, blushing violently. How could someone ask such a question? "I…" She started laughing.

"Oh, I was only joking. I didn't know where to seat myself. I can go if I am bothering you."

"No… No, not at all… I am Ayase Yukiya, nice to meet you!" He jumped to his feet while saying that and bowed politely, making the thin girl laugh again. She jumped to her feet as well, and they had the same height. "Nice to meet you as well. I am Takami Kasumi. I hope we will get along well!"

She smiled again. She seemed like a very nice person. She had brown, short hair, and her eyes were also brown. Her eyes, though common, seemed very kind. There didn't seem to be anything out of common about her, but Ayase liked her anyway. She seemed kind. Yet, he had been wrong about people before…

The professor came in, so there wasn't any room for talking. They kept talking in the breaks, though, and the more he talked with Takami Kasumi, the more he liked her. She seemed to be a very honest, and caring person, and even though she did seem to say things harshly at times, she didn't offend anyone. By the end of the day, Ayase thought that this person was someone he could get along with. They parted happily and promised to see each other tomorrow, even though they didn't share any personal information. Kuba was waiting for Ayase outside, and he drove him home in silence. Kanou had sent him several text messages that day, and Ayase had answered them as fast as he could. He knew how impatient Kanou would get, and he did not want to make the other angry. He knew what making the other angry meant, so he avoided it as much as he could. When he arrived at Kanou's place, he was already there, waiting for him.

"So, what have you done today?" he asked. One of the conditions that Kanou imposed on Ayase in order for the latter to be able to go to University was that Ayase would always tell Kanou what he had done that day at school. So Ayase started to tell the other what he had done that day -from meeting with Yamaguchi, making the acquaintance of Takami, going to classes and so on.

"Oh, you seem to have had a good day… and who's this person, anyway?" "I told you… she's a colleague…"

"Oh… and is she cute?" "Y… Yes, I think she is." Kanou looked at him maliciously.

"You aren't planning to cheat me with that woman, are you?" Ayase shook his head violently.

"How can you think like that? Takami-san isn't like that!" Kanou sighed, almost bothered by the other's behavior.

"We both know you are a horrible judge of people… Enough with that. Come with me…"

Another condition for giving Ayase permission to go to school was that… Ayase would still sleep with Kanou whenever he wanted to. After all, he had to pay his debt. The thought always bothered Ayase. He did not want to sell his body, and what's more… he didn't even feel like he was doing it for money. Not all the time, because… it was hard for him to admit it, but he knew that he did not dislike it. It was proven to him. Even though he did not want it to happen… Kanou didn't want his debt to be paid in any other way. He wanted Ayase's body, even though he always proclaimed he was not gay.

He threw Ayase on the bed and started kissing him slowly, licking his nipples and every bit of skin, and Ayase found it again harder and harder to keep those sounds inside. He opened his mouth almost involuntarily, and those sounds could be heard by Kanou once again. He loved them as much as he loved Ayase's cute face when he was overwhelmed by the pleasure Kanou made him feel. It was ecstatic.

A few weeks passed since Ayase had met Kasumi. He now called her by her first name because she had insisted to. He found out a lot of things about her. First of all, Kasumi was three years older than him, even though she looked so young. She was also gentle and nice, even though quite sincere with others and always honest about her feelings. She did not have a problem to speak up her mind, that's why she always told Ayase what went through her mind. Ayase liked Kasumi a lot, and even though Kanou seemed to be quite jealous of the fact, he did not stop him from seeing her or going to school -even though he wouldn't go to University on some days, due to various reasons and circumstances… Kasumi would always give him her notes and would explain whatever he missed in class. Kanou had thoroughly investigated this girl, but without finding anything incriminatory about her, he had to leave Ayase alone… He was jealous, nonetheless. He had had to deal only with men until now and even though he thought Ayase mightn't be women's type, with his childish and womanly face, he was still afraid by how Ayase always talked about his colleague. That's why whenever he saw his smiling face, Kanou got angry. His sex with Ayase became wilder after a few days, and now he could hardly contain himself… He wanted to see Ayase smiling only for him, crying only for him, and being, overall, only for him. He did not want to see his smiling face while calling some other person's name, even if that person was only a woman. He made Ayase his every day, wishing to see his teary face, wanting to hear those sounds from his mouth, desiring to hear his name being spoken in that person's ecstatic tone. He wanted to be the only one to pleasure Ayase. He wanted to be the only one capable of having him…

Whenever he got home from school Kanou wanted to forbid Ayase to go again, but seeing his depressed face and how sad he looked whenever he said that he found it harder and harder to forbid it to him. He did not have any reasons to forbid him to go, and when Ayase shyly called for them, telling Kanou that he had finally found peace in school, Kanou couldn't reply back. There wasn't any reason for him now to stop Ayase from going to school… Even though he would say that he wanted Ayase only for him, he still couldn't be with him all the time, as he also had to work. He had him closely supervised at school, as well, and Ayase did not even mind Kuba driving him to school anymore… Wait, that Kuba, did he do something to my sweet Ayase? No, of course not… but does Ayase feel at ease with him because Kuba likes him? Kanou frowned again and again while thinking these things, and it was harder and harder for him to find peace. He wanted Ayase only for himself, and even though he could not tell the other that he was unbearably jealous of anyone who came too close to him, he still had to do something about this entire situation.

"Can I go out with Kasumi-san tomorrow, please?" Ayase asked while having dinner. Kanou liked the way Ayase cooked -his meals, just like himself, tasted delicious. He put the spoon down and looked angrily at Ayase.

"Don't you think you spend too much time with this stupid Kasumi?" "Kasumi-san is not stupid!" Ayase said, a little too loud. "You never mind it when I go out with Someya-san…" "Someya is… abnormal! He doesn't count!" "I don't understand it!" Ayase said, putting his spoon down as well… It was hard for him to say it, and his voice trembled, but he knew he had to. He had already promised Kasumi that they will meet tomorrow for a drink. He wanted to see her. She was his friend. Perhaps the only true friend he will ever have.

"She's my friend." Kanou laughed roughly.

"Yeah, that's what you said about those guys as well. Need I remember what they did to you?" He smiled scornfully. "They almost raped you. Did you like that?" Ayase shook his head violently. Tears came to his eyes while remembering those awful moments. He hadn't liked any of them… because the only man who made him feel good while doing those things was Kanou. He couldn't say such a thing. He couldn't say anything, so he let his tears fall down helplessly. His entire body was shaking.

"Oi, Ayase!" Kanou jumped from his chair and came close to the other, caressing his blond hair. "Don't worry. I'm here." He kissed him gently. "I just want to protect you. That woman-"

"She's my friend", he repeated almost stubbornly, even though his voice was low and confusing. "She wouldn't do anything like that. We are meeting in a public space… You can send Kuba with me."

Kanou frowned again. It was so easy for him to get angry whenever this little person was involved.

"KUBA! KUBA! KUBA!" He yelled, excessively angry, shaking Ayase on his chair, making him cry even louder. He was scared. Kanou always scared him with his anger outbursts. And even though Kanou knew that very well, he could hardly control it…

"Do you like Kuba now? I will show you…" And as he said this, he put Ayase on one of his shoulders and carried him into the bedroom. Ayase kept pleading with Kanou -they had already done it twice that day, and Ayase's body felt all numb. He was also very hungry, as they had just started eating, and he didn't feel like doing it now. But even though he said so many things and pleaded with Kanou, the other wouldn't listen. Ayase thought of the first time he had done it with Kanou, and of how scared he had been… and yet, while the black haired man kissed him and licked him, playing with his nipples and member, Ayase started to feel less scared, and more excited… No, he thought, I shouldn't give in… This person…. But even as he thought this, he could not help it. He looked into the other's eyes and saw anger, but also something else… Desire. Ayase wondered if Kanou could read such a complicated feeling in his eyes as well. No, I don't feel desire, I… But he could not fool himself. His voice was betraying him, and so was his body… His body belonged entirely to Kanou, and even though he wanted to resist, he couldn't. He forgot about hunger, and even though he didn't want to get into it, it was impossible for him not to. He liked those light, and yet harsh touches, those passionate kisses, those gestures… and this man's smell that penetrated every part of his being. He wanted to be with him, and he unconsciously clenched his fingers on the other's back, as if wanting to get closer to him. It was too late, when he realised what he was doing. Why… why am I doing this? I should oppose him, I should…. But he couldn't oppose anything -not when his body was responding so easily to the other's touches, not when everything about him seemed to cry the other's name.

"Kanou-san…" he mumbled, his voice ecstatic, and that was all the other needed to hear.

"Please… let me go." Ayase said in the morning while having breakfast. Kanou already did that to him that morning, just after they woke up. He felt his body wouldn't take it anymore. He felt sore. He had to eat a lot to feel energized again, and he was being closely watched by Kanou's scrutinizing look.

"Why do you want to go so badly? I'll drive you anywhere. Just tell me what you want to do, to eat, or drink, or whatever you want, and I'll make sure you'll have it."

Ayase sighed, avoiding the other's gaze.

"It's not like that… I just want to go see my friend. Isn't it normal to want to hang out with your friends?" Silence.

"I wouldn't know. That's stupid. It could be dangerous."

"It won't… I'm even telling you where we are going and how much I am staying!" That was fair enough, and Kanou knew it. He frowned again and, looking at his clock, he sighed. "Ok, I will let you go, but when you come back…"

Ayase blushed violently.

"I know." He knew what the other would say…

"You have to spread your legs for me." Kanou continued as if the other had said nothing. It made Ayase blush even more violent. "Kuba will drive you… but don't do anything stupid, or I'll get annoyed. If anything happens, call me. And don't go anywhere else."

"I promise!" Ayase said sweetly, smiling. He was happy that Kanou had finally agreed to his request.

"Do you want me to drive you?" Ayase blushed again. "I…" Kanou's phone rung, and while he was talking on the phone, Ayase took the chance to get dressed. Kanou had things to do, so he hadn't asked anything anymore; he let Ayase go with Kuba, and while driving to the place he had agreed to meet with Kasumi, he couldn't help but smile happily.

"You seem to be quite excited," Kuba said in a strange voice.

"Yes! It's been a while since I could go out with a friend… I'm happy!" he smiled so sweetly, it made Kuba's chest hurt even worse. Why was he so cute?

"I see… so is this Takami-san your friend?" "Y…Yes…" Ayase mumbled. "She's a nice person." "And do you like her?" "Huh? I do, of course."

"Do you like her more than…" But Kuba didn't continue. Why was I about to say? He wondered. He couldn't help but think about Ayase that way… he wanted to have him as well. He wanted to make Ayase his, and the incapacity of doing it made him feel useless and tormented. I am not like that person, he kept saying to himself, and he knew that it was at least partly true. But it was also true that he had dreamed of being with Ayase, even though in his dreams he wasn't hurting or forcing the other to do anything, like the president did. Yet… what could he do? He loved this boy.

"Hmmm?" Ayase asked. He didn't hear Kuba's last words, as he was spacing out, looking out the window.

"No, it's nothing. We have arrived." He opened the door for Ayase, as he always did. "If anything…"

"I should call you, right? I know… Thank you, Kuba-san!" He smiled that godly, sweet smile of his again, and his innocence made Kuba skip a beat. Why was he so adorable?

Ayase went to the meeting place he had agreed upon with Kasumi, and they walked through stores, looked at different clothes and other stuff, and they chit-chatted happily on the road. Ayase received a few texts from Kanou meanwhile, and while seeing him struggling to type on his phone, Kasumi had said, "Your boyfriend loves you a lot, doesn't he?"

Ayase almost dropped the phone while hearing such a thing.

"What do you mean?" Kasumi shook her head naturally.

"Aren't you gay? Isn't your boyfriend that guy that always brings you to school?"

"Aaah!" She continued, looking at the ceiling. "I am so jealous of you. I wish I had such a tall, handsome boyfriend! He does seem to care for you a lot." Ayase blushed violently.

"Kasumi-san, what are you implying…"

"Sorry, Yukiya, was I wrong?"

"I… Kuba-san isn't my boyfriend, he's…" He didn't want to lie to Kasumi, but what choice did he have? He didn't know what to say. He felt like crying. He couldn't tell her the truth, but he couldn't just lie to her either. Hadn't he declared that they were friends? He couldn't just betray their friendship so easily. And yet, what could he do? Kasumi shook her hands apologetically, looking troubled.

"I am sorry! I assumed things by my own. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. After all, everyone has their own circumstances!" Ayase came back to reality, and sighed, almost relieved.

"I am sorry, Kasumi-san", he said, "things are complicated… but Kuba-san is not my boyfriend."

"Then, who is?" Ayase blushed again. "Why do you ask such a thing?" "Because you're gay, aren't you?" A deep silence struck the two.

"I am not gay…" Ayase said. Probably. "I am straight."

Kasumi looked startled. She even let a long, surprised "Whaaaat?!" skip. "I thought you were most certainly gay!" "What's that?" Ayase asked, a little disturbed, still trying to smile. Kasumi laughed it off again.

"I am so sorry, again. That's mainly the reason why I approached you. I can't make male friends and the girls are always so mean… so I thought you'd be a great friend, being gay and all…"

Silence struck them again. People were looking strangely at them. It seems they were talking too loud.

"Do you want to get a drink, as we planned? I know it's a little earlier than planned, but well…" Ayase nodded, and they both walked away, leaving those curious strange faces behind. As they seated themselves in a bar and ordered something to drink, Kasumi told him all about her first impressions. She had thought that he was certainly homosexual, so she wanted to be friends with him. She had always had a hard time trying to befriend girls, given the fact that she was the cute type, and most men treated her with care. Girls were always jealous of such facts. She couldn't befriend males either, not truly -she always ended up using them because, well, they were males. So, being in the need of having a friend, she thought of befriending the cute, gay Ayase. Ayase listened to all this while blushing violently.

"Don't I look like a guy at all?" he asked, helplessly.

"You don't." The straight answer made Ayase depressed. He drunk the entire content of his glass with one sip. "But that's not the point… you act gaily, you know. You are girly, you are cute, you are helpless, everyone is in need to protect you when you are around and… well, you are fucking adorable. What can you do?" Ayase sighed.

"I am so sorry I got it wrong… so you are not gay." "I… don't think… I don't. I am straight."

"SO have you ever had a girlfriend?" "A girlfriend… such a thing… I don't…" "Were there girls you liked? How about me, am I cute?" "Kasumi is cute, but…" "Maybe you like the rough type." "I don't think that is…" They ordered a new round of drinks, and Ayase started to drink more and more until his head started to feel extremely dizzy. He wasn't so sure whether he was lucid or not, but he found it much easier to talk now. Kasumi laughed at him, telling him he was drunk, but that didn't stop her from teasing him and asking him indiscreet questions.

"So… is there someone you love?" "I love a lot of people…" "Oh, my! What's that supposed to mean?" She laughed, amused. "But there is someone that… well, he does a lot of strange things to me, even though he says he's not gay…" "So he's a man!" "Yes… and I live with him due to some circumstances…" "Is this Kuba?" "No… Kuba-san works for Kanou-san. Kanou-san always does strange things to my body… And I don't know why, but I…" He blushed as if he suddenly became conscious of what he was saying.

"So you like it…" "I do… but isn't it weird? We are both guys! And I am not even gay. He even says he is straight also, and that all homosexuals are wrong and abnormal…" "And yet, he does you…" Ayase blushed again while another round of drinks came in. Kasumi was feeling a little dizzy as well, but she was far from drunk. While Ayase… well, let's say he never knew how to hold his liquor, even though he loved to drink so much, despite his appearance. It was a miracle they were served drinks in a pub, but Kasumi showed her ID and told her they were the same age, and as they looked quite alike, the waiter believed her, expressing his astonishment. "You both look so young, ladies" he had said, making Kasumi laugh outrageously hard, and Ayase blush rather violently. He didn't dare say he was a guy, and Kasumi didn't say anything about that either.

"Do you dislike that person?" Kasumi asked.

"I don't…" Ayase said. "He is very harsh at times, but he is also very kind with me. I don't want to upset that person… And it seems we've met somehow in the past, even though I cannot remember it…"

"So you know each other for a long while?" "I suppose so… I just… don't know why he wants me to be by his side so much…"

"It's because he loves you, of course." "WHAT?" Ayase blinked, incredulous of Kasumi's words.

She sighed.

"Don't tell me you didn't notice…" "But… that's… why should he love me? it's… He just…" "He just what?"

"He treats you well, doesn't he? And even though he is harsh, he protects you, and he is kind to you. He even makes you feel good in bed. And, what's more, he made one of his employees be your bodyguard and drive you to school and other places. I'd say that must be some sort of possessive love…" "Possessive, yet, but love, I don't know if… Kanou-san feels that way about me…" "And what about you?" Ayase did not hear the last question. He hardly blinked now, and it seemed as if he was on the verge of falling asleep. Kasumi sighed, seeming both tired and kind, and took Ayase's phone.

"Hello", she said, flirty. "I have your Ayase here… all drunk…" "WHAT?" A harsh, extremely angry voice was heard. "Don't worry", she said fast, laughing hard. "I just wanted to tell you to hurry and pick him up. I think he's going to fall asleep here, and it is troublesome for me too… After all, I can't carry him!" She put down the phone, smiling. She felt as if she was starting to get drunk herself. She imagined trying to carry Ayase home and burst into laughter again. To think she would be in such a situation… But Ayase was a cute girl… Guy. Whichever. He was cute. And she was glad to befriend him. He was certainly gay. He had to. Her yaoi sense could not be wrong.

Kanou arrived in what seemed a very short time, and he looked angrily and almost excited around. He saw the two at a table, and Kasumi waved happily, seeing Kuba right behind Kanou.

What a handsome guy! She mumbled to herself while seeing Kanou coming closer.

"What did you do to him?" He shouted.

"Nothing", she answered happily. "He just got drunk. Would I have called you if I had done something to him?" Kanou had to admit that that was reasonable. He took Ayase into his arms, and looked at him with so much care and worry, that it made Kasumi smile once again.

"This guy is really lucky, isn't he…" Kanou looked at her with a doubting look.

"What do you mean?" "No-oothing at all. Anyway, be sure to tell your little boyfriend that I carefully listened to his confession." "What do YOU mean?" She laughed again. "About him, not being gay. Why are you so angry?" She laughed again, drinking from her glass, and Kanou turned around and walked away. He had to admit that there was no reason for him to be angry with that woman when she even made Ayase drink so much, so now he could… wait, did she do anything to him? He turned around only to see her waving happily again, even winking. "No", he thought, "Ayase wouldn't be her type." He felt at ease, somehow, as if he had finally discovered someone who was not a threat for his adorable Ayase. Other than that, he smiled perversely… He couldn't wait to get home… Kuba didn't say anything while driving, even though he sent arrows full of hate into Kanou's eyes while looking at his reflection in the rear-view mirror. He hated him.

After arriving home, Kanou put Ayase down on the bed and looked at him with the same desiring look. Ayase had slept on the road, and Kanou took care to properly caress him. He now opened his eyes, looking at the other, but he was as drunk as ever. "Kan… Kanou-san!" he exclaimed happily. "It's you!" Kanou's chest burnt. He moved his fingers on the other's body, touching it carefully. Ayase did not try to mask the sounds he made now. He was enjoying himself without inhibitions. That was mainly the reason why Kanou liked it so much when Ayase was drunk… it was so much easier and entertaining to make him his.

"So, what did you do today?" he asked teasingly, kissing those skinny legs. "Well... I've walked around with Kasumi-san and… talked about things… Kanou-san!" he said his name in a quite determined manner, making Kanou look startled. "Wh… What?" he asked, confused. They were standing on the bed, Ayase had his legs and hands spread, with a cheek on a pillow. His eyes were sparkling beautifully. He blushed.

"Do you love me? Kasumi-san said that's why you treat me this way. Is that true?" Kanou's heart skipped a beat. It certainly did. How could this guy be so cute, even though he was a man? No, it didn't matter. It did not even matter at all. He was Ayase. He was Kanou's special person. The only special person he would ever have. If he loved him? What kind of a question was that? "Of course, I love you… why would I do all these things…" "Because you are a pervert… that's what I thought!" "You…" Kanou laughed. Drunk Ayase was also adorable. He was also very honest, both with his feelings and in the way he behaved towards others. He wished Ayase would be like that when he was not drunk as well. But meanwhile… he had to be content with what he had.

"I am a pervert, alright, but I still love you. I wouldn't do this with any other man. I've told you, Ayase, you are special to me." Ayase blushed again, more violently than before, not facing the other's look. Kanou kissed him slowly, caressing him almost in a teasing way, wanting to hear those sounds come out of his mouth. He bit his nipples, and he heard his name being spoken by this person again. "Do you like that?" he asked. "I do… I did… Do it again…" he mumbled, with his eyes half opened, keeping his small, fragile fingers in Kanou's hair. Kanou loved drunk Ayase the best.

"Your body", he said, "it really wants me…" "I want you too", Ayase said again, and Kanou wondered where all these words came from. The usual Ayase wouldn't say such a thing… but Drunk Ayase was somebody else, after all. He embraced him tightly, out of joy, and started kissing again, and licking those parts he knew Ayase liked to be licked. His small body trembled at the touch of this man, and this time, he was not trying to hide anything. Anything at all… Ayase embraced Kanou as well, lightly, and yet somehow stronger than before. Ah… my heart beats so fast… why is this guy so cute? Kanou's thoughts, as well as his gestures, were uncontrollable. He wanted to have Ayase, he wanted to have him now… And it was much easier than usual. Ayase spread his legs by himself, Ayase gasped without trying to control the sounds he made… and Ayase… what was he doing? In a moment, when Kanou was not paying attention, caught in this formidable delusion, Ayase climbed on his chest and was now looking at him superbly with those blue, big eyes of his. His blond strings of hair tickled Kanou… "Ayase… what are you doing?" he mumbled.

"Your heart is beating so fast… Kanou-san…" Ayase and his teary eyes… Oh, he isn't crying because he doesn't like it, Kanou realized, it's because that's how he reacts when he enjoys it…

"It is…"

"So is mine… Look…" He took Kanou's big hand with those frail fingers of his and put it on his small chest. Kanou touched him as gently as he could. He was hard. Ayase was hard as well, and there was something so sweet about all this… Ayase was already half naked, wearing only a blouse, and staying on top of Kanou… It made the latter feel so hot… "You are so hard… around here…" Ayase said, while touching, perhaps for the first time, Kanou's… Oh… fuck! Kanou realized. He was unable to understand what was happening. He hadn't even thought of such a thing being possible. And Ayase undressed him quietly, rubbing his member quietly, looking at him with those blue, beautiful eyes of his. This is a dream… Most probably, Kanou thought, but he did not dare wake up. "Kanou-san always does this for me… so I thought I might… tonight…" And as he said that he pressed his lips on his member, touching it lightly, licking it, and taking it into his mouth…

"Oh… Ayase… what are you doing…" Kanou put his fingers in Ayase's hair, and he realized he mustn't be too harsh with him… He pulled him away, even though it felt so good, and kissed him on his cheeks, on his mouth, on his arms… everywhere. "Don't you like it?" He asked, innocently, almost regretful.

"It's not that… I like it so much… but I wish you'd do that when you're yourself…" What stupid thing to say, he realized. Only drunk Ayase would do such a thing.

"Ok", Ayase said, more innocently than ever, then I will do it next time… It made Kanou's heart skip a beat. How drunk was this boy? He shouldn't cling to false hopes… it was wrong to do so. And he couldn't even truly imagine Ayase sucking him off, even though only the thought of it made him incredibly hot.

Ayase spread his legs by himself, as Kanou came closer to him. He made those sounds without trying to hide his voice, his pleasure, or his will. His will… Kanou had thought countless times of this, and he wished that there would come a day when Ayase wouldn't deny him. He wished that Ayase would come to love him as well, one day…

"To you want me to put it in, Ayase?" he whispered into his ear, and Ayase shuddered with pain. "Please do…" His butt was tight, as always, but welcoming and Ayase's voice sounded clearer and more beautiful than usual. He called Kanou's name many times, clenching his fingers on the other's skin, kissing him, biting him, licking him… Ayase did all that, and much more, and even though Kanou knew that he was drunk, he still felt happy. As Ayase came for the second time that night, just before Kanou did, they both stood silently on the bed and Ayase climbed on Kanou's chest. He put his entire body on the other's, and looking up at him, he asked whether he was too heavy. Kanou laughed. There wasn't anything that could make him angry or mean right now.

"You're not heavy at all… Your body is light. You have to eat better…" "It's because Kanou-san always does this to me that I… I feel weak. My body always shakes afterward…" "Do you dislike it, Ayase?" Kanou's tone was gentle, even kinder than before.

"I don't!" He answered almost straightforwardly, being troubled and smiling confusingly. He also blushed. "I don't dislike it, neither do I dislike Kanou-san… I… I… I didn't like it when those guys wanted to…" "Hush… calm down…" Kanou embraced the other, as he was shaking upon remembering those painful memories from the past.

"I never like it when someone else touches me. But if it's with Kanou-san, I… I think… I think I can…"

"Do you like it, then?" he asked, teasingly, caressing the other's hair.

"I do…" and Kanou wondered if his heart could take any more than this. He started touching Ayase again, and he started feeling hard quite soon. "Kanou-san…" He thought Ayase was going to tell him to stop again, but he didn't. He just called out his name… And he loved how Ayase always called out his name, both when he was drunk, and when he wasn't… That was the thing that was always true. And those sounds he made when he thrust it into him; and that teary expression of his, while saliva was droping on his chin… oh, everything about Ayase was so beautiful and exciting.

In the end, they did it for a few times that night. And when they finally got tired, Ayase climbed on Kanou's chest once again, hugging him in his own way, and kissing his chest lightly. Kanou could hardly believe this was happening, and pinched his own hand in order to understand whether it was real or not. It seemed real enough to him. He embraced his little lover and took care not to crush him with the weight of his big arms.

When Ayase woke up the next morning he was entirely naked, and there was something quite hot beneath him… He opened his eyes almost scared, being aware of the fact that he could hardly remember what had happened yesterday. One after another, the memories of last night came back to him… and he remembered scenes he didn't remember doing in the first place! Maybe they were only illusions. They must be, he wouldn't do anything like that… or that… or THAT. They were dreams. Even more, nightmares! And he saw that beneath him there was this person. Kanou. He didn't open his eyes yet, and he seemed as if he was still sleeping.

"Have I fallen asleep on top of Kanou-san?" he wondered… "Wasn't I heavy?" But Kanou didn't seem to feel the weight of the other's body on his. And Ayase saw, for the first time, all those marks Kanou had on his body… kissing marks, biting marks… What were those? He didn't do those, did he? He didn't, did he? "I DIDN'T!" He screamed, making the other wake up. Kanou smiled broadly, his dark eyes sparkling.

"Oh, but you did!"

Ayase dared to go to school only after two days. He remembered the things he's told Kasumi and was quite embarrassed to meet her, even more so when he found out that she was the one who called out Kanou. But Kasumi was quite happy to see him, and she didn't tease him… Not that much, anyway. "Here", she said when she saw him, giving him a notebook, "I will let you copy those notes. You shouldn't miss so many classes…" Ayase thanked her, and they talked about various things. He also apologized for the other day, and Kasumi told him not to sweat over it, only after teasing him about how much he actually likes Kanou.

"It's not like that! I am not gay…" Ayase said, convinced, blushing.

Kasumi laughed.

"Well, anyway… I am so jealous of you!"

"Huh? Why would you be jealous of?" She winked.

"Well… you know. You have such a handsome boyfriend, he is so tall and strong, so protective and possessive, and so wild too… He's so-o my type!" Ayase was too stunned to say anything.

"Maybe I should steal him from you… after all, you say you don't like him!" "I didn't say that", Ayase burst, blushing. "I… I… I don't dislike him!" Kasumi looked suspiciously at him, laughing. She thought of asking him, Then, do you like him? But thought she might get overboard with it, so she decided not to say anything anymore. But Ayase was cute indeed, and also very lucky that he had such an awesome person by his side. At least that's what Takami Kasumi thought.


End file.
